Three Leadership Styles

Let me suggest that while there are three main leadership styles: Control, Optimization, and Possibility, only the latter, Possibility, enables the true upside of effective leadership.

Leadership by Control is the classic top-down model. The idea -- as represented by a boss' Circle of Impact with arrows pointing inward -- is that only a small part of what a boss is responsible for can really be controlled. But, results in that smaller area tends to be excellent. Rarely game-changing in nature, though.

Leadership by Optimization is the process of working to the edges -- to insure that as much is "done right" as possible -- but no farther. Eliminating waste, streamlining processes, etc. most certainly have their value, but Leadership by Optimization is more of a managerial style than a leadership approach.

Leadership by Possibility is about expanding one's Circle of Impact beyond its current limits. It's about empowering your staff, engaging your peers, and challenging stakeholders to think bigger, act more decisively, and achieve more. While sometimes messy, it's the leadership style with the greatest upside.

So, as a percentage of time, how much of the time would you say you spend in Control mode? Optimization mode? Possibility mode? What would help you spend even more time as a leader of Possibility?

Why Dogs Don't Enjoy Music

"Anyone with normal hearing can distinguish between the musical tones of a scale: do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do. We take this ability for granted, but among most mammals the feat is unparallelled."

So reports Sandy Fritz in the October 2008 issue of Scientific American Mind, to the dismay of barking Labradors, woofing bassets, and yelping Yorkies, everywhere.

Yet a recently-concluded study by researchers at UCLA, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, and the Weizmann Institute of Science, concluded that "humans can easily detect frequencies as fine as one twelfth of an octave -- a half step in musical terminology. Dogs can only discriminate resolutions of one third of an octave."

What's the inference from a leadership development standpoint? Well, the flippant answer might be that the people who say they don't understand you ... are dogs! But a more respectful analysis might conclude that your message is, at times, a bit too subtle (or convoluted?) for them to make sense of.

Granted, this conclusion has less to do with hearing than understanding, but if you stay with me a longer, I think it will be worth your while.

Subtlety is often considered a more "refined" form of communication. The problem with subtle communications, though, is that they ask the listener -- they require the listener -- to be much more discerning when listening. And depending on circumstances, that could be asking a LOT from someone. Too much, perhaps.

Indeed, expecting someone to give you their full and Undivided Attention could be far more than they're ready for, or capable of, in this busy, distracted, juggling priorities, go-go, world of ours.

So what if we purposefully avoided such splitting of dog hairs when we're sharing our content with others? What if we focused, instead, on talking more clearly and crisply (and in larger octave steps, perhaps?) so that everyone -- even those with lesser abilities to listen so carefully -- could completely understand what we're talking about anyway?

What would that sound like, I wonder?

Hopefully, this isn't too subtle a point to be making. Hopefully, it will encourage (and help) you to communicate more effectively than you might otherwise.

And, hopefully, that will be music to your listeners' ears.

Conflict Dynamic Profile for Individuals

GottaGettaCoach! has just started working with a new assessment called the CDP-I, or Conflict Dynamics Profile^® for Individuals.

"The Conflict Dynamics Profile (CDP) was developed by the Leadership Development Institute at Eckerd College to prevent harmful conflict in the workplace. It provides managers and employees with a greater awareness of how they respond when faced with conflict so that they can improve on those behaviors causing the most problems.

"The CDP's focus on conflict behaviors, rather than styles, emphasizes an action-oriented approach which lessens the problems associated with harmful or unproductive forms of conflict and results in more effective conflict management skills.

"As a psychometrically sound instrument, the CDP shows solid evidence of reliability and validity and has been normed against a variety of organizations. Easily completed in 20-25 minutes, the CDP comes with a thorough Development Guide offering practical tips and strategies for strengthening conflict management skills."

More specifically, the CDP-I assessment:

1. Identifies your Constructive Responses, that is, how well you demonstrate the following desirable behaviors during a conflict
2. Identifies your Destructive Responses, that is, how well you control the following undesirable behaviors during a conflict
3. Identifies your Hot Buttons, that is, what tends to frustrate or irritate you about how others behave.

So why is this even important? Because once you are more fully aware of your automatic "reactions" to a conflict, the better you will be able to more effectively self-manage your "responses" to that conflict and properly de-escalate it.

If you're interested in the CDP-I, please drop me a line and we'll assess your conflict behavior together.

Brainstorming Basics

An article in the Wall Street Journal caught my eye. In Productive Brainstorms Take the Right Mix of Elements, Kelly K. Spors interviewed Matt Bowen, president and CEO of Aloft Group, Inc. about brainstorming basics.

The key to effective brainstorming: Not squelching other people's ideas.

"There's a whole procedure involved," says Bowen. "Step One is to identify, very clearly in one sentence only, what the [specific goal] is going to be. Send it out a day or two in advance so employees start subconsciously thinking about it.

"The second stage is gather people together. Brainstorming sessions should never last more than an hour. They shouldn't be too large, usually no more than five or seven people, especially when you're first learning how to do it."

Bowen's House Rules include: Saying "Our goal is to produce X number of ideas"; no critiquing; no editing; and, most importantly, building on other people's ideas.

Diversity helps, so bringing in people from other departments is encouraged. Bowen calls them "agitators - somebody you know who is going to come in with a different [spin on things]."

Before you start, though, it's important to establish criteria to subsequently rate and the ideas that are generated. Examples of such litmuses:

• Our ultimate solution has to be complete-able within three weeks
• Our ultimate solution has to cost no more than the budget allocated for it
• Our ultimate solution has to also address these tangential issues
• Our ultimate solution has to involve the following stakeholders

While brainstorming can be a creative and fun process, don't take it too casually. Per Bowan, "A surefire way to kill an innovative process is to go through the processes and then never implement one of the ideas. You need to show that you're trying to implement something."

Agreed.

Successful Change ... or Not!

Change is easy. Successful? Less so. Why? Here are two models that discuss this very thing:

(1) Successful Transformation Model. (Source: Daniel Ferdinand, Principle, Momentum HR Services.)(2) Understanding What Derails Change in the Workplace. (Source: unknown, but a big fave here at GGCI.)Pay particular attention the the far-right column on each chart - if you recognize the sentiment, move left to identify what's likely missing from (and undermining) your change initiative.

Correct as necessary.

Upping the Ante on Sideline Leadership

It's easy to stand on the sidelines and lob grenades onto the field where others are playing. Even if you have the best of intentions, Sideline Leadership is definitely less than getting in there and mixing things up yourself.

• What problems or issues can you step up and help solve?
• What are you doing to actively make things better?
• How are you helping others to do the same?

Don't just talk about what's wrong - do something to actually fix it.

Laughing Reduces Stress

According to a bit in the June/July 2008 issue of Scientific American Mind magazine, "Anticipating a good laugh whisks away stress."

Research scientists at a California University conducted the following experiment: They asked one group of men to watch a funny video and another to page through a bunch of periodicals. Lo and behold, the group that saw the comedy had "much lower levels of stress hormones such as cortisol" as compared to the magazine group.

Of particular note was this: The movie watchers' stress levels went down before the film even began!

In other words, the mere anticipation of laughing provided some of the exact same stress-reducing benefits as actually laughing.

Now that's funny, don't you think?! (To reduce stress, I recommend that you laugh whether you think so or not!)

Locus of Control: Self-Management across the Continuum

Based on Julian Rotter's work in the late 1950's, Locus of Control is about peoples' perceptions about why they do the things they do and, by extension, why things are the way they are - at work, and in life:

• The more we believe that our behavior is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances, the more of an external Locus of Control it can be said we have.
• Conversely, the more we believe that our behavior is guided by our personal decisions and efforts, the more of an internal Locus of Control we can say we have.

(Did you notice how I used "it" when defining external, and "we" when defining internal?! Sometimes, the basis of one's Locus of Control can be that subtle.)

Now typically, coaches don't spend a lot of time on the "Why?" question - let alone findings that come from observing therapy patients, as did Rotter's. But Locus of Control is an important concept to understand if we want to truly maximize our potential.

What's important to realize, and as the chart indicates below, is that one's Locus of Control is not fixed or unmovable; actually, it's more of a point on a line - a point that routinely shifts, quite radically at times, depending on issue and circumstance.

So rarely does someone always embrace an external Locus or Control. Rarely does someone always embrace an internal Locus of Control, either.

And therein lies the power of the notion, because: If your Locus of Control can shift without you realizing it, it can also be made to shift because you realize it.

• Feeling that everyone (and everything) is working against you? Shifting to more of an internal Locus of Control will help you be a bit more assertive and/or realize it's time to take a more decisive action to move things meaningfully forward.
• Blaming yourself when things go wrong - even when they're not your fault? Shifting to more of an external Locus of Control will help you accept that certain circumstances (and failings) really are out of your control and it's really okay to give yourself a break every now-and-again.
• Struggling in a personal relationship that's not working no matter what you do? Shifting to more of an external Locus of Control will help you request that the other person step-it-up a notch or two, as well, and not just leave it all for you to do.
• Sensing you're not in a good mood much of the time? Shifting to more of an internal Locus of Control will help you accept responsibility for the state of your mood and do something enjoyable to chipper yourself up a bit.

Locus of Control is no panacea - it's more just a way to explain the "why?" behind the "what?". But it's also a great way to help become more conscious and purposeful of what you do, say, and believe - all keys to effective self-management ... and success.

Air Cover: Getting Support from the Big Boss

Scenario: You need to do something that you just know a coworker, Mary, is not going to like. She'll dislike it so much, she'll likely go over your head to to complain about it.

So how can you increase the probability that you'll get the 'air cover' and support you need from the Big Boss?

By bringing your boss up-to-speed before you roll out your plan so s/he can comfortably say, "Yes, I know of, and approved, the approach taken."

Can't get your boss to approve your plan exactly as is? Then just tweak it a bit so that you can.

Then, play it out: Tell Mary. Let her complain to your boss's boss. (You can't stop her, anyway.) Watch as your boss's boss asks your boss, "What's this all about?" Then, see how:

• If your boss can speak intelligently about your plan, you'll likely be supported by the Big Boss; and
• If your boss cannot speak intelligently about your plan, you'll likely get overruled.

It's not just about how good your idea is; it's about how well your boss supports it when it's ultimately challenged.

End of story. Try it yourself and see.

Business Justification Checklist

When establishing the business justification for a request, here are some helpful questions to consider:

• What opportunities does your initiative enable? Note, while it may be most comfortable to lead with this answer, many bosses focus much more on problem-solving than opportunity-seizing. As such, if yours is like that, figure out how to re-frame the opportunity you want to address as a problem in need of being solved.
• What pressing business problems does your initiative solve or at least meaningfully address? Don't forget to articulate the implications of the problem not being meaningfully addressed and how the mere passing-of-time (read: inaction) will impact the situation's ongoing risk and exposure.
• What's the precedent-setting nature of your request? You'll no doubt find that your answer to this question can have some significant implications as to what happens next. As such, it's best you know beforehand so you can speak intelligently on the topic when it inevitably comes up - and modify your request accordingly, if necessary.
• What's the ROI (Return on Investment)? In other words, if things go as planned, how long will it take to recoup the initial investment based on anticipated savings or additional revenues resulting from the investment. If you don't already know, you may also want to benchmark your request against the ROI projections of previously-approved projects and programs.
• What synergy can be expected? How will approving your request also move other initiatives forward? What other expenditures will no longer be needed if this one is approved? Broaden your view - you know your boss will likely go there, so get there first!
• How might existing dollars be used to fund it? While this isn't always possible, there often are lesser-priority initiatives that have already received funding approval that could be de-listed and its monies reallocated. Example: A more expensive seminar - in town - costs the same as a less expensive one requiring travel and lodging; purchasing more expensive equipment than planned might be manageable if there's a resulting reduction in year-over-year maintenance costs.
• In what order do you want to order your points? In that you'll likely have several points you'll want to use as the basis of your business justification, give consideration to the proper sequence of your making them. Whenever I'm providing more than 3 points, I try to lead with my strongest two points, and save my third-strongest for last - a grand finale as it were. Each point should be strong enough to stand on its own merit, though - if it can't, you likely have more homework to do.

Hope this helps you get your next initiative approved.

Making Requests UP the Chain

When making a request up the chain, make it easier for your boss to say 'yes'. Here's how:

1. Pick just one issue at a time - This is not time for a 'kitchen sink' strategy...unless you're planning a major initiative with multiple parts, in which case the major initiative is your issue, not its components
2. Succinctly provide relevant background information - Keyword: "Succinctly". Provide only as much as is needed to justify that the issue warrants attention. Have additional backup/documentation available, but don't assume it will be automatically relevant to the decision to move forward. That said, be sure to articulate the business justification for your request. If all you've got is a BIWI (Because I Want It) then don't bother even starting the conversation.
3. Make a specific request - State clearly and crisply what you're looking for: authorization to do something, permission to not do something, additional funding, additional non-monetary resources? Whatever it is, don't just lay out the issue and make the boss figure out what you want.
4. Be open to a counter-offer - Sometimes you can't get exactly what you propose, but if you're open to the give-and-take of a meaningful discussion on the topic, you might very well get several of the key components of it. And that may really be all you need.

Repeat with other issues as you see fit.

How Are You Holding Your Staff Accountable?

• Do you assign tasks to your direct reports that never get done?
• Do you find that if you don't follow-up on open items you never hear about them again?
• Do you have to repeatedly remind people to do what they said they would?
• Do you believe that the quality of the work coming back to you is sub-standard?
• Do you not delegate as much as you might because it's just easier to do it yourself?

Worry not - or at least don't worry a lot about it. The bad news is that you're likely not holding your staff sufficiently accountable for the 'extra' work you give them. The good news, though, is that it's not all that difficult to change that. You simply need to get a little clearer with them about your assignments and their implications:

• The Who - "Here's why I'm choosing you do work on this assignment..." - Maybe it's because it's in the person's area of responsibility, maybe it's because you see this as an important developmental stretch for the person, maybe it's because of some particular competency the individual possesses. Regardless, be clear to whoever is the "Who" that s/he is the "Who."

• The What - "Here's what I specifically want you to accomplish..." - Try being more specific about what you want than you usually are. So if you want pie charts instead of bar graphs for some reason, say so on the front end, before the work is completed. If you want a year-over-year analysis when it's more typical to just give YTD figures, specifically say so. If you want a detailed plan, explain what you mean by "detailed." Since you're the one giving the assignment, you get to be the one who asks for what you really want, not just for something in the neighborhood. And that includes what types of interim updates you want from the person, along the way, as well.

• The Why - "Here's the reason why I want you to do this..." - Don't underestimate the value of explaining your Why to people. It really helps. Two caveats, though: (1) if you're in a real crisis situation (not just feeling under pressure) you may not have time to explain the Why, so quickly state that fact and offer to provide the additional background information about your request once the crisis subsides, if the person is still interested; (2) if it's clear that your delegatee truly understands the Why already, it may not be necessary to provide line-and-verse about it. It's best to be sure, though, which you can do by simply asking them to explain to you the Why. Don't forget to explain the Why behind your those interim updates you want, either.

• The When -"I'd like to get the finished product back from you by..." - Back in my days in the telecommunications world I worked with a purchasing agent (I'll call her Phyllis) who taught me a very important lesson about the When. I needed some telecom gear in a hurry, so I filled out the necessary paperwork and in the box that asked "When Needed" I put the letters ASAP, meaning As Soon As Possible. When the gear didn't come, I went to visit Phyllis personally to find out what was (not) going on. "Didn't you see my ASAP?" I asked her. "Yes, I did," she replied, "But Barry, you have to understand, I'm a very busy person. And there are only so many hours in a day. It was just not possible for me to get to your request yet." And she was dead-serious. "So what am I supposed to do if I really need something right away, Phyllis?" I asked while teetering on the edge of insanity. "Oh, that's easy, just put today's date in the When Needed box on the form," she said with a smile that curiously made it seem like she was really trying to be helpful. "Really?!" "Yes, really!" So a few days later I tried Phyllis' suggestion ... and you know what? It worked perfectly! The moral of this story: Make sure you're asking for the right When in the right way. And that includes the When you want those interim updates, too.

There's the Where and the How, too, but I'll leave them to you to figure out.

I'll also leave to you an obvious implication of all of this: You'll likely need to think through the Who, What, Why, When, Where, and How a bit more before you start to delegate. If you do, though, I guarantee it will be time well spent.

From (totally) Perfect to (merely) Excellent

I work a lot with executives who relish their perfectionism - and why not, it's what, in large part, got them promoted to be executives.

To help them 're-frame' how they think about their work, I have them do a little exercise. First, I have them draw a line from left to right, with arrows on each end; a continuum, if you will:

On it, I then have them put a big A on the far left and label it (inescapably) Awful; and a big P on the far right and label it (totally) Perfect. Like this, perhaps:

I then ask where on the line they'd put an E,which stands for (merely) Excellent - still excellent, but just barely so.

E

If you do this exercise yourself, be sure to notice that wherever you put your E - it's likely somewhat left of P, but still considerably to the right of A. That is, meaningfully less than (totally) Perfect, but still nowhere near (inescapably) Awful.

My challenge to them - and to you - is to spend the next two weeks operating in the E space - wherever it's located - to see what that's like.

If you do, you'll likely find, as they do, that not one person (excepting yourself) will notice any decrease in your performance whatsoever. And, by allowing yourself to be just (merely) Excellent you'll free up literally hours of time in your workweek - and at home - that you can then use to complete several other things in a (merely) Excellent way AND still have time to clean up your overflowing email inbox already, for crying out loud!

It's a fun little experiment, one that I invite you to try.

And what if someone becomes dissatisfied with your (merely) Excellent performance? Don't worry. For now, just apologize and indulge yourself in making things (totally) Perfect.

It'll still be the exception, rather than the rule.

Control, Challenge, Commitment

In their book, The Hardy Executive: Health Under Stress, authors Salvatore R. Maddi and Suzanne C. Kobasa offer a unique view on the "positive benefits of stress" for executives. The good news is that a particular personality style - hardiness - is actually quite resistant to stress.

"People with hardiness work hard because they enjoy it, rather than because they are compulsively driven. They make decisions and implement them because they view life as something constructed, rather than given. And they are enthusiastic about the future because the changes it will bring seem potentially worthwhile. Despite the anxieties and risks they encounter, these people find their lifestyles generally exciting and satisfying, in part because it is strenuous."

The better news is that hardiness can be defined as the simple combination of just three tendencies - namely, toward control rather than powerlessness, toward challenge rather than threat, and toward commitment rather than alienation.

And the even better news is that hardiness can be "instilled in adults" rather readily. Here's how:

To increase your sense of control - Believe (or just act as if you believe to start) that you really can influence what's going on around you. Dig into how you might turn a given situation to your advantage; don't just accept things the way they are as oftentimes very small changes can make huge differences. (In contrast, people who feel powerless act like passive victims, show little initiative, fail to utilize the resources they already have at their disposal as effectively as they might, and tend to get stuck in their own myopia.)

To increase your sense of challenge - Realize that it's natural for things to change and that change is often a "useful stimulus" for, as I like to say, helping good things happen sooner. Rather than seeing your work (or life) as strenuous instead of exciting, practice seeing it as exciting because it's strenuous. (In contrast, people who feel threatened tend to think that it's natural for things to stay stable - which it's not - and fear change because they think it will overly disrupt their comfort and security - which it often does not.)

To increase your sense of commitment - Get interested in whatever you're doing - as in really interested. Dig in wholeheartedly, cheerfully, zestfully! (In contrast, alienated people tend to hold back, label their work as boring, and often appear exhausted and disheveled.)

So whenever you start to feel the negative effects of stress and strain, consider how you might assert more control over the situation, how you might see it as more of a personal or professional challenge to step up to, and how you might commit more fully to it and, as a result, your own well-being.

In other words, focus on becoming more of a Hardy Executive.

Enabling Successful Change

Six elements are needed to successfully enable change*

1. A clear and compelling case for change
2. Demonstrated leadership commitment
3. A clear WIIFM (what's in it for me?) for all
4. A concrete implementation plan
5. Necessary skills, knowledge, and tools
6. Proper reinforcements

If any one (or more) of the six elements are missing or underdeveloped, the change initiative will likely be derailed in some manner or fashion.

So how can you learn which element(s) are missing or underdeveloped? Just listen to what people are saying:

• If they're saying, "it's not urgent," that likely means that a clear, compelling case for change - element 1 - is missing or underdeveloped.
• If they're saying, "it's not real," that likely means that demonstrated leadership commitment - element 2 - is missing or underdeveloped.
• If they're saying, "it's not worth it," that likely means that a clear WIIFM (what's in it for me?) for all - element 3 - is missing or underdeveloped.
• If they're saying, "it's going nowhere," that likely means that a concrete implementation plan - element 4 - is missing or underdeveloped.
• If they're saying, "it's just not possible," that likely means that necessary skills, knowledge are tools - element 5 -is missing or underdeveloped.
• If they're saying, "it won't last," that likely means that proper reinforcements - element 6 - is missing or underdeveloped.

Diagnose carefully. These are each different types of problems and, as such, require different types of responses. One size definitely does not fit all. To that end, it might be helpful to consider how your response would vary depending on which element was in question so you don't get trapped into thinking too myopically.

Consider the very real possibility that more than one element is in question, as well, as that is so often the case.

-----
*source unknown

FAQ Sheets - Frequently Asked Questions

New Year, new plans. New organizational changes? Likely so. But while org changes may make intuitive sense to those directly involved with the redesigning process, those usually most affected by the changes - lower level managers and front-line operatives - are left to figure things out on their own. (And please, let's not kid ourselves; those one-shot, let-me-explain-what-you-need-to-know meetings only scratch the surface of what really needs to be said ... and heard.)

But time is tight. And those meetings - especially when they devolve into extended Q&A sessions comprised of dozens of off-topic, if not completely irrelevant, queries from people who don't seem to know enough to sit down and give someone else a turn - can be downright back-braking from a morale standpoint.

Have you ever tried releasing an FAQ Sheet in support of the changes?

1. What is an FAQ Sheet?
   An FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) Sheet is a compilation of the not-so-obvious, but certainly reasonable, questions people are likely to have about the changes ... and their answers.
   
2. What's helpful about an FAQ Sheet?
   It gives real answers to real questions, all right there for everyone to see.
   
3. How does one create an FAQ Sheet?
   You, or those closest to the change initiative, do.
   
4. What if the questions I/we come up with are difficult to answer?
   As you brainstorm on questions for the FAQ Sheet, expect some to be quite difficult and challenging to answer. (If they aren't, then you're likely not thinking deeply enough.) Please don't ignore these 'tough' ones - they're actually the most important in the bunch. They're the ones that matter most with respect to acceptance of the changes. And they're the ones best-suited for an FAQ Sheet in that you can answer them thoughtfully instead of just trying to wing it right there on the spot during your big meeting.
   
5. How else is an FAQ Sheet helpful?
   An FAQ Sheet can also help frame how you want people to think - and talk - about the changes...especially when you're not there to tell them yourselves. By providing everyone with the same explanation as to the key reasons for the changes, and the same explanation as to the overriding rationale that makes these particular changes the best of all possible solutions, the FAQ Sheet is a valuable level-setting, and misinformation-fighting, tool.
   
6. What if no one reads the FAQ Sheet?
   Simply point people back to if their real-time questions are answered by it. (Note: Numbering FAQ Sheet questions makes it much easier to point them back to a particular questions.)
   
7. How do I tell if our FAQ Sheet was done well?
   You'll be able to tell simply by listening to the 'sounds' that people make when reading it - hmmm's and oh's and people saying things like 'that actually makes sense,' and 'yes, that's what I want to know' - are all excellent indications that you've done a good job with it.
   
8. Does the FAQ Sheet have any lasting value?
   Absolutely. By having a written record of the rationale for change, it becomes an excellent source document to make sure everyone stays focused and true to purpose. If written properly, it can also serve as an arbiter to differences of opinion and which 'fork in the road' to take, as the changes unfold.

So the next time you have an important change to tell people about, get in front of the issue by creating an FAQ Sheet for it. Worst case, it'll give you some great answers for your big meeting. More likely, though, the questions won't need to be asked so you can use your time together much more productively.

Any questions?!

I'm Trying to Evolve

(excerpts from Evolve, by Ani Difranco)

"I walk in stride with people
..... taller than me
..... and partly it's the boots but
..... mostly it's my chi

"And I'm becoming transfixed
..... with nature and my part in it
..... which I believe just signifies
..... I'm finally waking up

"I am trying to evolve
..... I'm just trying to evolve

"I am trying to evolve
..... I'm just trying to evolve

"So I walk like I'm on a mission
..... cuz that's the way I groove
..... I got more and more to do
..... I got less and less to prove

"It took me too long to realize
..... that I don't take good pictures
..... cuz I have the kind of beauty
..... that moves

"I am trying to evolve
..... I'm just trying to evolve

"I am trying to evolve
..... I'm just trying to evolve"

Finishing Unfinished Business

Yesterday's post focused on one aspect of unfinished business from 2007 - having the conversations you know you need to have. Here are some other items to finish up, as well:

• What's something you've been meaning to do for someone that you haven't as of yet?
• What's something you've been meaning to do for yourself that you haven't as of yet?
• Who's someone you've been meaning to reconnect with that you haven't as of yet?
• Who's someone you've been meaning to introduce yourself to that you haven't as of yet?
• What idea have you been meaning to share with someone that you haven't as of yet?
• What's something you've been meaning to read that you haven't as of yet?
• What's something you've been meaning to write about that you haven't as of yet?

You're invited to do so now.

What conversations do you know you need to have?

New year. Fresh start. Ready-go.

But wait.

No doubt there's some unfinished business from 2007. No doubt, there are some conversations that you meant to have, but never quite got around to it. And no doubt, they're conversations that you really need to have if this new year is to be the "fresh start" you're hoping for. So,

• Who do you need to talk with?
• What is it that you want to say to him/her?
• What is it that you want him/her to say back to you?
• What's the real conversation you know you need to have?

While it may not be easy, inviting someone into a conversation like this can help set a much more collaborative tone, moving forward. But depending on circumstances, the conversation may need more than just one 'sitting' to complete. Grudges dissipate slowly, after all.

To speed the process - and the likelihood of success - be sure to remember to these pointers:

• Be respectful
• Be honest
• Be interested
• Listen carefully
• Ask a lot of questions
• Seek to understand

If you do, you might be happily surprised to find that there are some misconceptions that can be easily cleared up. You might also find that certain things that were taken out of context and given a life of their own can be reeled back in. You might even find that you've been unwittingly contributing to making things worse, but can take some immediate actions to set things right.

But only if you have the conversations you know you need to have.

So who do you need to have an open and honest conversation with?

I know you know. You know you know! So go. Do.

Yes?!